Man on a Mission from God

I have a life. It's right in front of me. I've basically built it the way I like, but I am never happy because there is always more I want or more I want to do. Isn't that pretty much the whole experience until you die? I mean it seems real obvious to me that life will always throw you curve balls and sometimes it isn't even life itself, but the things I do and say that curves away from me only to return with such speed and force that I'm knocked off balance by my own actions. It's like the worse character flaw ever and I just realized something by writing this all down. That isn't even me that I'm describing because that is something I see in all men. I sort of understand it a little better now. I'm trying to be like them and I get all messed up when I do that. When I think about it, it reminds me of Thanos from the Avengers. Thanos is distraught character who is trying to make up for his shortcomings by achieving ultimate power. I watched the show and after some careful deliberation, the dialog does meet the conclusion of villain but after witnessing the soul stone scene, I'm leaning more towards prodigal god and the attempt to as he say's "Bring Balance to the universe." You see Thanos not only sees himself as a force to bring justice to the universe, but enlightening he feels the moral obligation to do so by murdering many. That is an interesting conquest for our time that we live in right now. I'm struggling with this because, as we all know, an Avengers movie or any Super Hero movie has an element of moral drama. The idea is that not only as a hero, but in relationship to just being a thoughtful person with a good understanding of standards and knowledge between right and wrong, we often confuse our intention to "Do Good," with an elaborate self-serving action. So the question remains, "If something is good for us, does it mean it's good for everyone?" In Thanos' perspective, it costs him everything. That scene where he throws Gamora off of the cliff to acquire the soul stone is particularly powerful because it appears the villain from Captain America movie is the guardian of the place and he explains that is the way things are setup. The stone requires a test. In this scene, Thanos quickly realizes in order to get the soul stone, he must sacrifice someone he loves dearly and he doesn't hesitate to explain it to Gamora right before he throws her off of the cliff. I don't know what this means to everyone else, but with regards to being human, I think I understand it a little. It's like when we come to a difficult decision in life where were forced to choose between people and a lot of times, it's between people we love and ourselves. Thanos doesn't hesitate. He throws Gamora off of the cliff to get what he wants. Do I do that to people around me? Do people do that to me? Do we as members of society do that in different ways to get what we want? It's a simple straight forward question about what we sacrifice that in our own perspective is about a greater good if there is such a thing. I say it like it might not exist "Greater Good," but I mean to frame it that way because it might mean something different to everyone. In Thanos' perspective he's acquiring power. I believe no matter how many different angles a person tries to explain his actions, it's still ultimately acquiring power. This leads to the comparison of the questions I ask of myself, my friends and everyone else. What are we acquiring when we throw our loved ones out into the cold or dangle them off of a cliff so to speak? What is the motivation behind it? This means quite a bit to me because if I look at the basis of many decisions I observe, "Self-preservation," is at the root of it. Personally, I am like Thanos because I don't hesitate much when it comes to self-preservation. Probably most people don't and that is why I added my friends into the circumstance or maybe they were already there and I just mentioned it because I believe that is something that happens. It's like the original sin. In the bible, god instructs Adam & Eve to not eat from the tree of knowledge. The devil convinces Eve that god does this to deny her and Adam the knowledge that they can be like god. He tricks her in a way where the argument makes sense to her. I mean after all, he is the devil and quite persuasive. Suddenly the two become ashamed because after they defy god their shame makes them hide from him. He casts them out of paradise and Eve will experience physical pain in giving birth and Adam will forever forage and provide. When you look at this scenario, it's a story about self-preservation. God preserves paradise by casting out Adam & Eve. The devil preserves his priority in separating the humans from god by deceiving them. Adam & Eve preserve something and I just can't quite figure it out yet. Maybe it's they don't exactly preserve knowledge because they don't quite possess it yet until after they acquire it by eating the forbidden fruit. No matter how this story is described, it's basically about self-preservation in describing original sin and how man carries that burden. Now in literary form this is called a "plot hole," in which original sin is a result of disobeying god. I call it that and explain it that way because to me, there is no real way to define the suffrage of mankind by relaying a message that all suffering is because of sin. I believe much of the suffering is a result of sin, but it has a lot to do with human nature and what I am describing here in the form of self-preservation. We are made to make decisions in life and that is why we have the reasoning ability to acknowledge that. It doesn't mean we once had to make no choices what so ever and life was fine and dandy, but suddenly we listened to a serpent (sin) and he made us disobey god and that is how it all happened. No, I'm pretty convinced that some suffering is because we do sin, but a lot of suffering doesn't have much to do with us or our choices, but is a direct result of being alive in a physical world that can be treacherous and demanding at times. Think about it for a second. Adam & Eve lived without a worry, a care or concern then suddenly they were cast out of paradise and made to suffer for the rest of their life. Not only that but all of their descendance would also suffer the same fate. According to the bible if it weren't for sin, we would all live forever in paradise. Let me break it down for you to get what I am trying to discuss and perhaps provide some solution for. Paradise sounds a lot like a baby that hasn't been born yet. He or she has no cares and doesn't want for anything. A person is born and in their infancy they slowly acquire self-awareness. Eventually, they acknowledge their cold & hungry and all of the other sensations that come along with being self-aware. Eventually, we reach the age of realizing that there are things we can do to predict and take action pre-emptively to provide us with self-preservation. Now this might mean something as simple as looking both ways before you cross the street or as I am using the example here in a theatrical viewing, Thanos attacks and conquers all the planets in the universe to save it. It's quite a leap, I know, but it isn't any further than god casting Adam & Eve out of paradise. He preserves paradise and let's go of something threatening that existence. How do we do this in many ways even if we don't understand or acknowledge it? Let me use this strategy for a minute. Let's say I have an emotionally traumatic event that I experience in life and I block it out for self-preservation. My mind blocks out the memory or the event until it feels I am ready to acknowledge the event. Okay, so that day comes and I acknowledge this situation by basically having a memory. At first, I don't believe the thought is mine or belongs to me because I do not recognize it. I mean why would I? I have never had this thought before. Eventually I have this metamorphosis in mental state that allows me to accept the illusion as true. It's like Adam & Eve recalling the moment where they left Eden. Even though my mind has acted in an effort of self-preservation, I am forever scarred by the trauma of the feeling which was mostly fear & despair. This is most likely equated with the feeling of sensation or guilt. So it's guilt that I feel, even though more than likely I didn't have anything to do with the event other than witnessing it or experiencing it. Now to me, guilt is such useless sensation. There is not a lot of things you can do with guilt. It can eat at you. It can tear apart your mental state or interrupt your ability to act in a kind or caring manner towards others. Like the bible say's some of us are born with guilt and others believe we have it thrust upon us in order to keep the mythical "original sin," concept alive, but pretty much all humans probably do feel guilty in that somewhere or some time they acted out of self-preservation and eventually experienced remorse for doing so. Guilt isn't resentment though, but if a person feels guilty long enough it can morph into exactly that. This is where or what I believe creates a character like Thanos. He believes by prospect of his own standards and guidance that he is doing the right thing, but Gamora points out all the ways he is wrong about it. The moment he makes up his mind which isn't very long that he will sacrifice her for the good of all is maybe at best a split second decision. He doesn't feel any remorse or guilt until later after he has acquired the stones and returns to a place where Gamora is just a little girl. She asks, "Did you do it?" He replies, "yes." She continues with the enquiry, "What did it cost you?" Thanos replies, "everything." To me, he has this sort of melancholy attitude towards guilt and resentment. It's almost as if his justification of "balance," in the universe requires that he remain detached from his own sin. And there you have it, the makings of a sociopath. I used to think a sociopath was a serial killer or something like that, but I realized a person doesn't have to be violent to be a sociopath because the term is talking about a thought process rather than an action. Given that knowledge there sure are a lot of sociopaths in the world today. For example, I was talking to a close friend about an observation I made concerning the activity of the media and the president of the United States. Now I cannot conclude one way or another that the president is a sociopath. I am not a psychologist, so I don't know. Even if I were a psychologist they have a rule that they don't attempt to diagnose a person that they haven't examined. Okay, so calling the guy a sociopath is a bit of a stretch because I'm not a doctor and he has never been examined by me if I ever were a doctor, but I can make a unbiased observation about the things that I see. On Monday, there was media in the Oval Office interviewing the president. This is like the fourth time that this has happened where the president was saying almost incoherent and odd ball things. I wrote about the things he said at two different occasions because it really bothered me to observe a person who wasn't making sense and his subjects were like cross references to other ideas and then that is when it occurred to me that the president has cognitive dissonance. It's a mental discomfort experienced by a person who holds two or more contradictory beliefs, ideas, or values. This discomfort is triggered by a situation in which a person's belief clash with evidence perceived by the person. Once I started believing that might be a possibility, I started comparing the symptoms and aspects of it to the legitimate video where we have witnessed the president do this over and over again. The incoherent rambling, the inability to concentrate, the inept ability to comprehend certain ideas and the way he incessantly starts talking about something else that isn't quite connected to the current subject that is being discussed, but it's like he has this map in his mind where he gets mixed up between topics because he is disconnecting evidence to reality . I was telling my friend this and then I confessed that I felt very badly because here I was watching something so obvious and I assumed everyone can see it, but I was not labeling it what it is. I said, "We have a real chance to talk honestly about it," and added, "here we are making fun of this man and pretending we don't understand what is going on." I relented to change the subject. I've been one of the biggest critics and I felt rather badly. You see in my life, I was brought up around students who had disability because I have a hearing impairment. I know the communication challenges and recognize when someone can hear or not, but mostly I pay attention to understand if they can process information. Often times, I rephrase myself and consider if I am not communicating effectively. In this world, you meet people and they appear to be one hundred percent fully functional in every way possible, but because I have this sort exterior way of communicating where I am watching the person as they speak and I am noticing everything from their body language to what words they are using and at what tone they are speaking, I can pick up on a lot more than just the audible noise they are making. A lot of times I can determine if they are anxious or if they feel confident and sometimes I can almost in fact detect if they might be lying and I look for clues that the truth that they are conveying is more in the communication that doesn't have anything to do with speech. When I observe the president, I see the lie, but I also see that he is using the lie to cover up the bigger problem in that he doesn't know what he's talking about and it's not like the way we would do it if we were lying. If a person understands and knows what they are saying isn't true, they will perform sort of a delivery which is polished and it makes light of the subject if you catch them in a lie. They know they are lying, but they are masking it so that you won't know. The problem with this is it provides a "tell," that broadcasts to others that something isn't quite right. Most people just ignore it because they want to believe what they are hearing and that is nearly 80% of convincing someone of something that isn't true. When you observe the president and his tell, he isn't in this state where he believes or disbelieves in what he is saying because it's all made up. If it sounds kind of true, he gets rather boastful and confident about it, but then he rambles on about something else until eventually everyone loses sight of what he is talking about and that is where the real tell is. He's not distracting you from the lie, he's distracting you from being able to read him and the fact that he is in this loop of processing information. The conclusion never arrives and in the position that he is in where solutions don't always exactly meet the idea, he can continue to play the game of engagement. See for most folks, we communicate to either A) pose a question or B) provide an answer. People with sociopathic tendencies don't do this, but more they have an abstract idea of what they want you to do. They are looking for approval. Donald Trump is in way over his head and this makes him lower the standard to the least common denominator like a person with a mental health condition. It's a fight or flight mechanism. Only in his mind, he's always in a fight. He's fighting to communicate to everyone where he is coming from and there is really no better place to do this than in a board room with smart people all around the table. Negotiations aren't always fair. They are mostly about leverage. This guy has practice the Art of the Deal to cover up a much worse problem than anyone has given any thought to. It's a mental health issue. We really could talk about it in depth, but everyone would rather construe a straight forward simple observation into political differences. I'm not saying, "use the 25th amendment to remove him from office." I'm saying it's right in front of us and we have the opportunity to talk about the truth if we would only decide to do it. Criminals get off of being prosecuted for crimes all the time using the mental incapacity strategy, but this is something different. This guy doesn't know things and it's not because no one tries to explain and break it down, it's because he has a disorder. The real crime is in the people all around him who have noticed this and know the truth, but they are willing to take advantage of him to get what they want. Self-preservation, doing the good despite of the bad in a broad justification that is entrenched in resentment and shame. What we have coming out of this leadership is sociopath logical message that is disconnected from reality. That's why nothing is making any sense because it doesn't. Just think, "Fake News," and conspiracy theories. Tyrant behavior and the tweeting. Oh my god the tweeting! He's a high functioning man with a mental disorder that is debilitating to watch. All of us around this and watching this are influenced to see something different. The truth is what we're seeing isn't actually there. We are justifying whatever it is we want to believe at this person's expense. Sure, he doesn't know that people are afraid because he is the most afraid person. He's afraid that you will find out. It's not his taxes or his deals with corrupt people. It isn't even his downright racial statements. It's his cognitive state that he's putting together a performance as leader of the free world. That is an idea that he has no business attempting, but he doesn't want you to find out and most certainly the people closest to him don't want it because of self-preservation. I'm trying to find a way to wrap this up and de-escalate the hyper reaction that might provoke someone with extreme views to act on those deceptive measures. I'm not making an insult to injury plea here. I am stating that we have a large majority of issues in this world that were ignoring. At the top of the list, right in front of us every single day, is priority number one to address. People say what will happen though if we do something about it? They say violence and brother against brother hatred will result. Look if you have no faith in mankind, I understand that but let's start by telling the truth. People can relate to it. People will be relieved and then we can all move on with our lives in a healthy manner. If enough people would simply let go of their own bias and form of self-preservation, we could see this as something that affects us all. Let him finish out his term. Let a fair election decide the next leader, but without a doubt if we don't admit the truth we're all doomed to repeat this cycle for who knows how long? Mental health isn't something to be ashamed of. It's not even alarming that the president might have a problem. FDR was stricken with a disease, so was Grover Cleveland. Holy Crap! I googled presidents with a disease and there was more than ten of them. This is message is for my brethren. I know you might not agree with me. I know that it serves everyone's purpose to think otherwise, but if we were standing right like side by side and someone walked up to us and talked the way the president talks, I'm positive we would both look at each other like WTF? Having said this, I remember the outrage and the vitriol people expressed when we witnessed vulnerable members of society being mocked and made fun of by the president. I am not perfect in any way shape or form, but I assure you if I saw someone that had a legitimate disorder or disability, I wouldn't make fun of them and I am by no means writing all of this to be ironic or sarcastic. We need to take better care of each other just by acknowledging what reality is and that we understand it the same. It doesn't matter that someone has all the money or no money at all. It doesn't matter that someone has all the power or no power at all. What matters is that we're all human and that we're all susceptible to different things. If we want to live in peace, we must acknowledge that starts with us and where we go from here. "No good president, no real leader, no real patriotic American would dedicate his time and energy to insulting, dividing, tearing down and belittling other Americans. We now expect it of Trump, but the tragedy is that we are now expecting it from ourselves or our neighbors. That’s not just sad, that’s horrifying." -Ken Ripley Springhopeenterprise.com/stories/trumps-theatrics I added the quote because it's a statement about humanity. Just like Thanos was villain in a movie, Trump is character that we see on television, but knowing what you're looking at makes a big difference in understanding it. We all know someone who could be helped if we would just stop with the self-preservation and imagined how things would be better for everyone. To care for someone simply means you are willing to give up a little of your own determination to be selfish and consider how they feel or what they might experience. Otherwise you're just another sociopath.